There are many ways of telling whether you are smitten including not being as angry as you used to be with the government and politicians because you are not thinking of anything else except the object of your affection. The most important sign though is lack of honesty. True, honesty is the best policy as long as you are not talking about a relationship.
And as most people will attest, telling a lie is the easy part, living it is the problem. After telling Maureen that I was a night manager at a call centre, I was forced to borrow a suit and a tie from Cousin Meshack to look the part. Of course, I look ridiculous in a suit considering that the closest I have come to a white-collar job was being a polling clerk.
But since my physical address and basic living conditions were not in tandem with an ‘executive’ lifestyle, I had to lie some more.
"I am here temporarily … my house is being renovated," was how I explained away the arrangement and especially the small size of the SQ (servants quarter) where I was in danger of not fitting in if I made the mistake of adding just a little more weight.
But one Friday evening, after the organisation responsible for supplying power blackouts came to our aid and put us in darkness, things took a different turn. I saw two female figures stride into the pub and I immediately hurried to their table to take orders. But just before I got there, I identified them clearly. It was too late to turn back, however.
"So this is the call centre?" one of the women asked with a disgusted look on her face. The voice was familiar. It was Maureen. At that moment, I wanted to say this was just corporate social responsibility.
That as part of our CSR, the call centre I work for requires employees to set aside some hours a week to help those who can’t help themselves and in this case I had chosen to assist those who can’t help drinking!
"I can explain …" I found myself mumbling.
"You don’t have to," a highly disappointed Maureen retorted. "Just bring us the drinks!"
I had blown it and like cousin Meshack had said, I was going to die alone. I was doomed and no woman would ever give me a second look. Especially considering that I don’t even know how to use photo-editing software that would go a long way in helping me score on the Internet! What a waste considering how much the government and the private sector have put in the laying of the fibre optic cables!
But then one morning while still wallowing in self-pity, I heard a knock on my door.
"I just have one thing to say," Maureen started when I finally opened. "You should be proud of what you do … it doesn’t make me think less of you!"
Suddenly there was hope. Just when I had started asking around which church has the highest number of available women so that I join.